


you're still home

by stupidbadgers



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, But with resolution, M/M, so it's a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24512818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidbadgers/pseuds/stupidbadgers
Summary: He hadn’t noticed that for all the openness there seemingly was, the sensei was quite closed off. While he spoke the words of adoration, the small praises, touched gently, and caressed lightly, he held everything close to his chest. The man offered the words and affections freely, but took nothing in return, almost like he was afraid to; almost as if he took, he would lose what he had.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 10
Kudos: 118





	you're still home

**Author's Note:**

> back at it with the angst. also songfics. i have no further explanations for this. pls enjoy the angstcake.

Kakashi took a breath, slowly exhaling. His perch in his favorite tree outside the Academy didn’t feel as comfortable as normal, hadn’t for awhile. It nagged at him, gnawed on the ruins of his carefully constructed walls, walls that had been brought down with soft gazes, blinding smiles, eye crinkles, gentle touches, small praises, and words of adoration. 

But there was something different about the sensei now. Perhaps not different, just something he hadn’t noticed before, caught up in his own self-destruction and self-loathing while the sensei pieced him back together like he was kintsukuroi. He hadn’t noticed that for all the openness there seemingly was, the sensei was quite closed off. While he spoke the words of adoration, the small praises, touched gently, and caressed lightly, he held everything close to his chest. The man offered the words and affections freely, but took nothing in return, almost like he was afraid to; almost as if he took, he would lose what he had. It made Kakashi’s heart ache and his blood boil. The sensei deserved happiness at the very least; the sun, the moon, the stars above, and everything in the universe at the very most. Whoever or whatever had made the sensei fear losing what made him happy had hell to pay when Kakashi found them. 

Kakashi had noticed the not-really change (because change would imply things had been different before, but it was really just Kakashi’s own lack of awareness, as he had already determined) recently. It had started with the sensei stopping his gentle touches. There were no more lightly trailing fingers across Kakashi’s back or arms as the sensei walked by, no fingers inching closer to his own until they were intertwined while they ate together, no more gentle kisses on the back of his neck or cheek. 

Then the soft words stopped; first it was the affectionate ones, the ones that made Kakashi’s skin burn under his mask, the ones that had helped rebuild him from the inside out, the ones that he realized he took for granted because now they weren’t there and he desperately missed them. Then the rest of the words stopped, the ones that were soft and sleepy in the morning and evening, whispered while it was still dark; the ones that described the sensei’s day, telling all about the next generation of shinobi who couldn’t throw kunai and shuriken to save their lives yet, _but one day they would be the best_. The last ones to stop were “be safe” and “welcome home.” Kakashi was loathe to admit it took missing those several times to realize the rest had stopped somewhere along the way. 

For a heart-stopping moment, he had wondered if the sensei’s feelings for him had changed, if Kakashi had proved too broken, not even kintsukuroi could put him back together. So, he watched the sensei, more than he usually did anyway. The sensei was an open book of emotions, ranging from laughter and joy in one breath to anger in the next. Watching the sensei was one of Kakashi’s favorite past times because of this. No matter how the sensei schooled his face though—and he did that quite well—his eyes always betrayed his emotions. 

The sensei’s eyes still showed the affection, the concern, the want to speak more than he was letting himself speak—the hesitation of taking a breath to say something and then letting it fall away as he talked himself out of speaking belied it all. 

All Kakashi saw in the sensei’s eyes was love. 

It didn’t scare him the way it once would have because… 

He loved Iruka. 

It was as simple as that. 

Kakashi pulled himself from his thoughts, snapping the book he hadn’t been reading shut, tucking it away into his weapons pouch. He fell from the tree with grace, landing on his feet next the man who had been consuming his thoughts. 

“Yo.” 

Iruka looked into Kakashi’s eyes, a small smile playing at his lips before he ducked his head. 

“Ready to go home?” Kakashi asked, hand capturing Iruka’s and lacing their fingers together before the chuunin could pull it away. 

Iruka just nodded, walking silently next to Kakashi as they made their way through the streets of Konoha. 

“What do you want for dinner?” Kakashi asked as they entered their apartment, shucking off shoes and flak jackets, resetting wards and locking the door. 

Iruka spoke quietly, “anything will do, you decide.” 

He hurried away with this bag before Kakashi could capture his hand, turn him and kiss him, welcome him home properly, ask him again what he wanted for dinner because Kakashi wanted to know what _Iruka_ wanted. Kakashi would bide his time though. He could be patient when he wanted to be. 

“How was school today, Iruka?” Kakashi asked pleasantly, settling on the couch while Iruka settled at the coffee table, pulling stacks of paper out to grade. 

Iruka’s eyes flicked up to Kakashi’s gaze, the pause before he spoke audible, the hesitance as he drew in a breath to start at the beginning and tell the whole thing until the moment Kakashi dropped from the tree. Kakashi could see it all in Iruka’s eyes, the desire to lay his heart out in front of them. And then Iruka blinked and it was gone. 

“It was fine,” he mumbled, looking down at the work before him. 

To hell with patience, Kakashi was going to do something about this right now. 

He slid off the couch, leaping over the table to sit next to Iruka, facing the sensei, pulling down his mask in the process. 

“Kakashi, what are you—?” Iruka asked, surprised, turning toward the jounin. 

He took Iruka’s face in his hands, softly pressing his lips against Iruka’s. The younger man squeaked in surprise, but didn’t push away. Instead he placed his hands on Kakashi’s arms, gripping his biceps like his life depended on it. The kiss continued, getting deeper. Iruka fully turned, slotting a knee between Kakashi’s legs, his other on the outside of Kakashi’s. 

They broke for air, panting heavily, their hitai-ates clinking as they pressed their foreheads together. Kakashi’s thumbs stroked Iruka’s cheeks. 

“Iruka, I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours, but I need you to talk to me,” Kakashi said quietly. “I should have said something sooner, should have realized sooner that something wasn’t right. And I’m sorry I didn’t. There are so many ways you say ‘I love you’ and I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t notice until they stopped, and even then, it took too long. But Iruka, I love you too. And I wouldn’t say that to anyone. I wouldn’t waste these words if I didn’t know you felt them too, if I didn’t know for certain that I feel them. And I do. I love you.” 

They had barely moved apart when Kakashi began speaking, only enough for Kakashi to look directly into Iruka’s dark eyes. He never broke eye contact, hoping to convey the depth of his words with his single-eyed gaze. 

There was silence for a beat before Iruka spoke, “I'm so scared you’re going to leave, leave and never come back. I don’t know what I would do if you left. I thought you might have felt the way I did, _the way I do_ , but I couldn’t be sure. And I get attached to people, I don’t want to let them go and I love too much and too fast and I’m so very scared to lose them, Kakashi. I’m scared I’ll lose you.” 

“There are so many ways to leave a person, but I wouldn’t do that to you. Every time I go on a mission, I know I have to come home. I _want_ to come home. I’ve been to so many places, but nowhere is better than here, in your arms. You’re my home, Iruka.” 

Tears started to stream down Iruka's cheeks. Kakashi wiped them away, the back of his finger trailing down Iruka's cheek. 

“We're shinobi, you can’t promise you’ll come home every time. It only takes once to lose you forever.” 

“And I’ll try my best to get back to you, to make sure that once doesn’t happen for a very long time. I need you; I need you in every way possible because I love you. You are my meaning for life, for love. Iruka, please, understand how much you mean to me. I can’t get you out of my mind. I have more reason than ever to make sure you don’t lose me. As long as I can fight, I will come home to you, every time. 

Iruka nuzzled his face into Kakashi’s hand, closing his eyes. They stayed quiet for a moment, simply accepting the other’s comforting presence. Kakashi leaned in, placing a kiss on Iruka’s forehead, then nose. 

“Please don’t shut me out again,” Kakashi murmured. 

“I’ll try not to. I don’t want to. You mean so much to me, I can’t lose you.” Iruka pressed his forehead against Kakashi’s again, wrapping his arms around his neck. 

“I’m not going anywhere, love,” Kakashi said before kissing Iruka again, slowly and gently, dragging the moment out. They stayed that way for a long while, wrapped in each other’s arm; wrapped in each other. Kakashi vowed to himself he would never take this for granted, would never let go of this feeling of home. 

**Author's Note:**

> stay safe and well out there. ♡
> 
> find me on [ tumblr](https://stupidbadgers.tumblr.com).


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